So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
