I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
