nut hugger
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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