I'm so fucking centered right now
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
