i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
