yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
