everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
