After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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