Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
