I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
