Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
