How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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