I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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