It's Friday. Sex?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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