You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
