I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
