You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
