I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
