his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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