the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
