well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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