Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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