mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
