You're my little dorito
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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