just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
