So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
