it wasn't lemon gatorade
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
