The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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