At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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