i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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