is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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