Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
