Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
