someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
