It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
