If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
