I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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