508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Randomize
