i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
we made out on top of his cat.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
