This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
3pm strippers are depressing
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
