He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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