Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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