Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
