when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
