i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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