giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
