My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
