then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
