omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
