he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Drunk is a universal language darling
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
