I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
